God is good...Part 3

Have you read Part 1 and Part 2?  If not, Part 1 is here and Part 2 is here.

So thankful that God has opened this door and given us the opportunity to have a relationship with C!

Through this relationship I have had the chance to hear C's heart, I have had the chance to hear her side of the story and to be reminded that C and I come from very different places, yet we have the most important things in common.

Through this relationship, I have been able to tell C about my jealousy, and apologize that I didn't always show the love of Christ, I have been able to forgive myself too.  Through this relationship, I have been able to hear the heart of my 2 son's birth mom, I have heard her struggles and her heartache.  Through this relationship C and I have come together, we have become friends, we have chosen to leave the past in the past and move forward.

We are blessed to live only 45 minutes away from C.  So, we set up a meeting just after New Years Day to have dinner together.  I know we were both wracked with nerves.

We told the boys the exciting news, and they were both thrilled.  They had not seen their BM in almost 3 years.  Carson was too small to remember her, but he knew what she looked like as we have shown him pictures and we had talked about her often.  Michael, he remembered her.  I was anxious to see how they would all interact, what their reactions would be when she arrived at the restaurant and what the conversations would be afterward.  I won't even pretend like Satan wasn't throwing curve balls at me the whole way there,  he most definitely was.  I could already feel jealousy creeping in...I sent those feelings away in the name of JESUS.  I prayed for the Lord to guard my heart from those feelings, and HE heard those prayers.  He did.

We met at a restaurant.  It was my family of 8 and her family of 4.  We were there a bit before them, which was good.  I was able to get the kiddos situated and then prepare myself for this meeting.  Our first get together could not have gone better.  It was fabulous.  She walked in and I immediately felt my heart relax.  The boys were excited to see her.  Carson, who was too young to remember her, gave her a huge hug.  Michael, always a bit more reserved, also gave her a giant hug.   She introduced us all to Michael and Carson's half siblings, Nathan and Ari.  What a special night.  I got to witness the most precious of moments....Michael and Carson were thrilled to meet their brother and sister, and of course, to see C again after so long.

 All of us at dinner together.

 Carson with "C"

All 4 of "C's" kiddos 

 "C" with her boys

"C" with all 4 of her kiddos

I felt like C and I were long lost friends.  We have connected so well, and I am so thankful for this relationship.  I am in awe of C.  This girl has not been given the same luxuries as I have, she did not grow up in the same type of family or situation that I did and she has risen above it all.  C had Michael when she was 12 years old, Carson when she was 15 and then 2 children since.  She will be 21 in February, and she is wise beyond her years.  She has risen above her circumstances, she has chosen to be successful and to provide for her 2 children.  She has started a crochet business that has become quite successful (check her business, Crochet Magik out here) She taught herself how to crochet and then figured out what it would take to start a business.  Quite the entrepreneur.  C is incredibly beautiful, she is smart and she is kind.

God continues to amaze me.  He is so faithful. 4 years ago I would have never imagined having an open relationship with C.  Back then an open relationship with C wasn't a possibility.  Honestly, even if it had been a possibility I am not sure that I would have ever considered it because I was too selfish.  Still as the circumstances changed and openness was now a possibility,  I still had to work through issues in my own heart.

Part 4 coming this week....

God is good...Part 2

Have you read Part 1?  If not, start here.

Eventually, C ended up moving to another state, which brought our visits to a screeching halt.  I can't say I was really that disappointed.  Over the next few months, the boy's case went before the judge and it was determined that our case would move to termination.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't thrilled, I was.  BUT, I was also heart broken for C.  I knew what that judgement meant for her.  I knew her heart would be broken.  I knew she loved her boys and that she desperately wanted them back.  

Isn't that adoption, though?  Adoption ALWAYS comes from a place of brokenness.  Adoption is beautiful, but it's messy.  Our greatest joy as adoptive parents is the birth parent's greatest loss.  Such a hard thing to grasp.  As we were celebrating our adoption, C had just experienced the greatest loss of her life.  Like I said, adoption is messy.  These are the ashes of adoption....little did I know God was busy behind the scenes turning ashes to beauty.   He is faithful.

In December of 2010, we finalized the adoption of Michael and Carson, making official what we already knew in our hearts.  We began our life as an official family of 8 on December 15, 2010...one of the best days of our life.

We flew through life over the next 2 years.  C was never far from our thoughts or prayers, but we never heard from her, and didn't know where she was or what she was up to, until.......

Let's fast forward to December 2012.  I love Instagram, I love that I can capture our very FAST life through photos.  C found our little family on Instagram ( you can find those pics by following me @thelottofus).  As it turns out, she had been following our little family for some time.  She was very careful to watch from the sidelines and never comment or like my photos in fear that I would block her if she made herself known.  

Well, she was quiet until this past December.  One morning last month, I woke up to 8 different comments on pictures.  My i-phone had notified me of the messages, but as I logged into Instagram, the messages had been deleted.  So, I did some investigative work and quickly realized that the person leaving messages and deleting them was C.  I did a little more investigative work and realized that she had called me a couple of times, never leaving a message.  She was reaching out.  So, I reached out as well.  I texted her.  That morning, C and I texted back and forth for over an hour and then chatted on the phone for even longer.  

I was blown away!  I called my mom, my sister, my best friend....I called our social worker.  I was thrilled that C and I had reconnected.  I was thrilled to hear that she was in a very different place than the last time I had seen her.  I was just THRILLED.

God had done amazing things in my life and in my heart since the last time C and I had spoken.  I wanted her to know that.  I needed her to know that.  I wanted her to know that we welcomed a relationship with her, I wanted her to know that we loved her and prayed for her.  I wanted her to know that her boys had been told how much she loved them, I wanted her to know that we talked about her and that her name was mentioned often.  There was so much I wanted her to know.  I am so thankful that God has opened this door and that we would have the chance to tell her all these things.  

God is good....Part 1

I wonder how many posts I have written with that very same title?  No matter how many I have written before, I can promise you there are more to come, because GOD IS GOOD and that isn't going to change.

I want to share a story with you.  One that has blown my socks off.  God is faithful, He hears our cries and He is faithful.

Without going into much detail, because it really isn't my story to tell, I wanted to share something that God has done in our lives recently.

We adopted 2 of our sons through foster care.  They were 3.5 years and 6 months when we got them. They were precious.  Michael was 3.5 and spoke ZERO english, and Carson was a baby.  We got them with the understanding that they would be with us for a week max.  We were told that their grandfather was going to get them permanently, and we would only have them for a week or so.  Well, many of you know how that story ended.  We adopted.  After 2 years as their foster parents, Emory and I adopted 2 of the most precious little boys you will ever meet....now for the story that you don't know!

Emory and I weren't sure what to expect of the "relationship" between us and birth families through foster care.  I think it is a learn as you go type of process.  We had our boys for almost 5 months before we first met, C, their birth mom.  Honestly (and I will just be really honest), we were getting along just fine, until the day our caseworker informed us that C had showed back up and now wants regular visitations.  I am pretty sure that made me angry.  I was mad, scared, and I am sure a billion other feelings were flowing through me. Here is some more honesty for you...I didn't like her and I hadn't even met her.  I made up my mind about this girl before I met her.  I was jealous, I was scared.  I had fallen in love with these 2 children and I was fearful of what it meant that she was back in the picture.

I will spare you all the details of what the next 18 months looked like.  It wasn't pretty.  I am thankful that we fostered through a company that always showed the love of Jesus to birth families, because if they had depended on me to do that, I am certain it was never done.  I was too worried about Courtney to be concerned with the condition of C's heart.  Over the next 18 months, God did a CRAZY work in my heart.  One that I wasn't looking for and was totally unexpected....one that would change the way I think and operate my business, FAC.  (C, as you are reading this I know you had no idea that you impacted our lives so much, another reason we are so blessed by you!)  I found myself hating C, I was jealous of her, she was their birthmom, she was someone I would never be to them, she loved them (which drove me crazy, I think I had hoped it would be easier to hate her if she didn't love them), but it all came down to jealousy, it came down to my heart.  I don't remember the exact moment it happened, I don't remember the circumstance that led me to this next monumental event.....I just remember being flat on my face, on my knees, crying to God.  I remember Him, in that moment, breaking my heart for C!  He made me think of her, of what she was going through, of what her life had been like and he broke me.  He broke my heart for her so that I could love these two little boys more than I already did, he broke my heart for her so that I could love her and pray for her with a genuine heart, he used C to break my heart for all birth moms, changing the way I approach most of the situations through my adoption company.  Our relationship with C wasn't easy.  She wasn't real fond of us and while God had done a work in me, visits were still awkward and uncomfortable.  We went through the motions with C and she with us.

Brown Bear

Carson is in pre-school, and you know pre-school, they always want the kiddos to participate in cutesy things....aka, homework for the parents!  

Carson got to bring home Brown Bear this weekend.  We were suppose to record the events of our weekend with Brown Bear.  Guess who forgot to read the instructions and take pics throughout the weekend?  Yep, that would be me.  Mom of the year, here!  

Oh, well.  We probably had more fun than all the other families combined as we raced around the house staging activities with Brown Bear and Carson at 6:45 pm.  Did I mention our kids go to bed at 7 pm?  SO, here is what we came up with last minute...

 A little trampoline time!  

 Cuddles with Brown Bear!

 Sliding down the BIG slide!

 "Sleeping" with Brown Bear and Percy

 All the kiddos and Brown Bear

 Playing a little wii!

Riding a stick horse! 

 Nerf Gun War

 Doing laundry

 Trying on Daddy's hats

 Riding daddy's motorcycle

Having a litte Cold Stone Creamery

I think we did pretty good, considering!  What do you think?

RIght to Life March...

So, the Lott family went to our first pro-life rally this week.  We have been talking about it for a full year.  We have been talking, explaining and preparing the kiddos for a year.  They were most excited about missing school, I think.  

I was excited for a plethora of reasons.  I wanted the kids to see Emory and I (and his sweet parents) stand up for what we believe in.  I wanted them to see us defending life and not sitting on the sidelines while 55 million babies are being aborted.  I wanted the kiddos to see how you can peacefully stand up for what you believe in, you can do it in a way that honors God.  

I am so thankful that we went, we braved the cold and we stood up for what we believed.  The best part of the whole experience though, may have been the night before...we stayed up late and we made posters.  We made posters as a family and we discussed what they said, what they meant and why they are so important.  It was such a great time of discussion for the kiddos, and they really didn't even realize that we were having a discussion.  That's a win in my book!  

So, we made our signs and we met Emory's parents and we went to Atlanta.  We stood on the capitol steps with our hand - made signs, and we praised God through worship songs and incredible speakers and then we silently marched the streets of Atlanta.  We marched as pro-choicers screamed hateful things at us, they yelled hateful things directed at my 6 small children, and we marched silently with our signs.  It was a great experience, and it will not be the last. 

We were blessed with incredible kiddos...they get it.  They get what we are defending and they want to defend life too.  So very proud of this little family of mine.  Thankful that God chose Emory and I to parent this little brood!