WOW! SO much easier said than done, RIGHT? It is so easy to say we are going to give it all to God, but that is so much harder to do. Anyone that knows me knows that I am a Type-A personality, and that I am a total control freak. It is so hard for me to just give it up, to give up control.
I was presented with a very tough situation tonight, one that will not come to fruition for a couple more weeks, but one that will cause grief, tears, sleepless nights, etc. until that day comes and then some. As most of you know, we are foster parents to 2 wonderful boys, and they have been with us for almost 1 full year. It's amazing how incredible GOD is, and that He can give us these 2 little boys from a different ethnic background, a different language and culture, and He can mesh them into our family, mesh us into 1 family. These boys are our kids, they are my sons, and I their mother. They are mine. Except they aren't. They have a birth mom. A mom who does want them back. Unfortunately, it was decided today that we would move to reunification. What that means is...they will go back to their biological mother. As I write this I am sobbing. If you have never gone through this, I don't imagine that you can possibly understand. This to me will be like losing a child, except I am losing 2. Once they are reunified, chances are we will never see them again. EVER! Let me say this again...THESE ARE MY CHILDREN, people. I love them just like if I birthed them. I cannot imagine not having them, and I am devastated.
As if that is not bad enough, I was told there is a chance that they could be leaving at the time of their next court date, Sept. 24. I will be in Amman, Jordan. I will be thousands of miles away when they are taken from me, from us. I will not be there to comfort them, and help them to understand. I know that GOD knew all this before He commanded me to go to Jordan, and I know that God has this whole situation, and my boys in the palm of His hand. I know all this. I just can't explain it to my heart, just yet.
So, with all this said. I need prayers, I need lots of prayers. I need God to give me a peace about this whole situation, and I need the strength to give it all to Him. PLease pray for me as I give this up, as I give it to God and trust Him completely. PLease pray for my boys, their birth mother, and for Aidan and Mina! Thanks!
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Just want ya to know that I will keep you guys in my prayers and I will be saying an extra special prayer 4 you and ALL of your kids:) Even though I've only been in contact with you again for only a couple of weeks now, through the blog (I went back and read all the of the posts since ya started blogging) I feel as though I've gotten to know you and ya family. Please remember that if he brought you to it, he'll see you through it:)
~Brandi~
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