Perspective...

Yesterday, was Emmy's MRI!! I knew what they were looking for and I knew if it came back abnormal that could be bad, really bad. I was so worried. Her symptoms of ataxia suggested there was a lot of good reasons to perform the MRI, and that it also may come back with abnormal findings. I was worried. So, in order to kill time, approximately 30-45 minutes I decided to go buy her a new stuffed animal from the gift shop. I never actually made it there to make a purchase. While passing through the lobby, I ran into a friend from church, one of the pastors. He was coming to visit Emmy and one other child. He and I chatted for a second, and then I walked him to the other patients room, it happened to be 10 doors down from Emmy's room. We are on Aflac, this floor is strictly for children with cancer and/or blood disorders. This is a scary floor, a lot of these children have cancer and are very, very sick. Since we have been here, 2 children have been moved to PICU, with the nurses fearing that they would not return. So, as I walked my friend to this room, I thought about the fact that this child probably has cancer. I had not intended to go in with him, but as we approached his room, he suggested that I come in and meet the family and pray with them. So, in I went!

"D" is a 16 year old boy with lymphoma. He was diagnosed in July, and has only been home for a total of 6 weeks since his diagnosis. "D" has been through a lot in the past 7 months. He has had 2 very short periods where they thought he was cancer free. He has had all the radiation that he can have. They have done all that they can do. There is nothing else that a traditional medical program can offer. They are now looking for radical alternative treatment programs, they are trying to buy their son time. This is what I walked into while waiting on my child's MRI!

We prayed with this family and then we left. I walked my friend back into the lobby, and then I headed back to wait on Emmy. I thanked the Lord for perspective in that moment. I thanked Him for Emmy, and that although she is sick a lot, she is not literally fighting for her life. I thanked Him for this new perspective.

2 hours later, I was told that Emmy's MRI was abnormal, I was told that a neurologist would be coming to evaluate Emmy and to tell me what the findings were. I was immediately panicked. Anytime, your specialist has to call another specialist, it should be a warning that the situation is less than desirable.

About an hour or so after that (it felt like a lifetime), the neurologist came in and examined Emmy. She asked questions for about 15 minutes and examined her all before ever telling me what the heck was going on. I was going crazy!

Finally, she asked me the same question 2-3 times, and I repeated the same answer that I had the last 2-3 times, and said I may be getting ahead of myself, but what is on the MRI that you would feel it necessary to ask me that question over and over again!

She then realized that she was the first person to come in, and that nobody had explained the results to me. She just figured that Emmy's hem/onc team had discussed it with me already. SO, she immediately jumps into the discussion of Emmy's MRI. She used big medical words and honestly, I didn't understand a lot of what she was telling me, I heard the words, but couldn't really understand what they meant for a diagnosis. I didn't like the words that I recognized at all! They were kind of scary words.

She then brought in a computer and showed me a normal brain scan, and then showed me Emmy's brain scan. She pointed out all of the abnormalities, and proceeded to tell me that she may have a secondary disease, but they aren't sure what.....which means more testing.

So, she named a few diseases and they are scary. I am praying that they are wrong, I am praying that the findings don't mean anything, although I have been told by several doctors that they most likely mean something! Possibly a very scary something.

24 hours has passed since I met with the neurologist...I have googled some of these diseases, I have read about their complications and treatments, and I have scared myself to death. So, I am choosing to do no more googling until we have a diagnosis. However, as I read through some of these websites, I was reminded of "D". I was reminded that my child acts and seems fine. She is developmentally on target, she is smart and she looks fine...My child is not laying in bed with days or weeks left. We have been here 1 week, not 7 months. Other than the fact that I know that all of our days are numbered, I am not looking for alternate methods to prolong my childs life by a few weeks. Emmy is a happy little girl. It is all about perspective. I believe the Lord was preparing me for the news of an abnormal MRI, I believe He wanted me to have perspective when I googled these scary names. I believe HE wanted me to remember that HE is in control.

NOTHING SURPRISES HIM. HE KNEW ALL OF THIS BEFORE THE BEGINNING OF TIME. PRAISE THE LORD THAT HE IS THE SAME YESTERDAY. TODAY AND TOMORROW.

Trusting in Him. Pray for Emmy. Pray for Emory and I. Pray for wisdom for the doctors and nurses. Pray that these tests will come back quickly and provide answers. Pray that they would determine the cause of the abnormal findings quickly! Pray that I will keep perspective throughout this journey.....

....We don't know a lot yet, so we will let everyone know the findings when we have more information! The last thing I need is other people googling the findings and telling me what they think it could mean, I have already done that myself! HA!! Right now we just want your prayers! Thanks!..........